Sources are saying that the four-day “surprise” birthday party Beyonce is throwing for Jay-Z next weekend will actually be a wedding.

“Beyonce is throwing Jay a four-day birthday party, but it’s really a wedding,” said one source. Guests, including family and close friends, were told to have passport applications filed by last Friday so they can attend the bash on a yacht in St. Barts. But insiders said the guests will also be ferried over to Anguilla for the wedding at Cap Juluca, a five-star resort with Moorish villas. Another spy said Knowles and Jay-Z had toured the site earlier this year and approved it for their nuptials.

Jay-Z is cool and all, but he’s not somebody you marry. Mostly because you have sex with people you marry and his face looks like it was made while God was drunk. Like God was stumbling around the office going, “Well he’s got two eyes. And a nose. And a mouth. Ahh, that’s good enough.” And then God passed out on the sofa and nine months later out popped Jay-Z.

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